Grande catastrophe? Germany at the ESC

It’s not long now before, on May 17, 2025, lights will be flashing, pyrotechnics will be exploding and singers in glitzy outfits will be prancing around on stage through clouds of dry ice, belting out their songs about love, heartache and ecstasy as if their lives depended on it. The Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) is just round the corner - that spectacular pan-European blend of fiery passion, gender fluidity and geopolitical symbolism. Featuring everything from Balkan breakbeat, schmaltzy tear-jerkers to heavy metal, this is a real clash of music styles. And in there amongst them all, Germany.

For some Germans, the ESC is the emotional highlight of the year. They analyse every dance move, every lyric and every sound effect. For months they feverishly count down to the big day and support Germany’s contribution with relentless euphoria – regardless of itsmusical qualities. And when, despite all this devotion, Germany fails to make the grade (“L‘Allemagne, zéro point”), these diehard fans curl up on their sofas in the foetal position and try to recover from their existential crisis. 

Others just ask, rather more rationally: Why do we still put ourselves through this? After all: Germany’s ESC path is lined with complete failures - despite taking part in the competition more often than any other country, they rarely do very well, let alone win. Believe it or not, Germany has ended up in last place no fewer than nine times! And this year too, the odds are about as promising as the German weather forecast for November. Nonetheless, hope springs eternal - and in 2025 the country’s hopes are pinned on “Baller”. “Ballern” is a colloquial German word meaning to shoot. The song’s onomatopoeic chorus is somewhat puzzling, however: is it supposed to be a homage to the “Ballermann” hotspot so beloved of a certain type of German tourist in Mallorca? Or a dubious appeal to drink excessive quantities of alcohol? Or even a subtle criticism of the European rearmament drive? Hard to say.

Incidentally, the artists Abor and Tynna are from Vienna, which as we all know is not even in Germany. Who cares! In the ESC universe it’s enough to know that the country one is competing for exists. Ultimately, we are after all just one big happy family of schlager fans - and music is the language everyone understands. So, get your dancing shoes on, wave your little flags and cross your fingers that we might once again hear those magic words: “L‘Allemagne, douze points!”