“Germans are like coconuts”

Brittany Alaine from the United States lives in the northern German state of Lower Saxony, where she works as a communication trainer, social media consultant and content creator. 

“Germans are often quite good at separating an argument from the personal relationship. They tend to look at things more soberly: What exactly are we arguing about? What are the facts? The focus is on solutions, but as an American I’d sometimes like people to show a bit more feeling. That can also help you understand what is driving the other person. If the other person is mainly focused on what they think I’m misrepresenting, it quickly becomes frustrating and can escalate the argument.

What I do like about the German approach is that conflicts are usually put to rest without any lingering resentment. At the same time, a bit more sensitivity to the fact that the other person might still be upset would sometimes be welcome. Nonetheless, there’s some truth in the saying that Germans are a bit like coconuts: it’s worth breaking through the hard shell. Once you get past that, people tend to be reliable and stick together, even after a disagreement.

Abdullah Tayyab from Pakistan works as an IT project manager inBavaria.

“I first noticed the differences in how people argue in Pakistan and Germany when I was a student in Munich. In our shared flat, I once stormed out of a discussion, loudly complaining because I was so upset by an argument with a German flatmate. It didn’t bother him much, but he was surprised that I couldn’t just carry on the discussion. 

I had to get used to the fact that Germans rarely raise their voices, even when they argue. What I do find uncomfortable, though, is how direct people can be. It’s perfectly fine to focus on improvements at work, for example. But at times, a more relaxed approach would help prevent tensions from arising in the first place. At the same time, Germans also find it easy to say: we’ll just agree to disagree. I really appreciate that relaxed attitude.”