“Germans are like coconuts”

Brittany Alaine from the United States lives in the northern German state of Lower Saxony, where she works as a communication trainer, social media consultant and content creator. 

“Germans are often separating the argument from the personal relationship. They tend to take a more levelheaded view: What are we arguing about? What are the facts at issue? That’s solution-oriented, but as an American, I often miss that people allow emotions to come through more strongly. Then you can also better understand what’s driving the other person. But if the person I’m talking to is particularly focused on what they see as my misrepresentation, that quickly becomes frustrating and causes the argument to escalate.

What I find pleasant about the German culture of arguing is that a conflict is usually put behind us without much hard feelings. A greater awareness that the other person might still be upset would sometimes be nice, too. But it’s true what they say: Germans are a bit like coconuts. It’s worth breaking through the hard shell. Then, even after conflicts, you often experience reliability and solidarity.”

Abdullah Tayyab from Pakistan works as an IT project manager in Bavaria.

“I already became aware of the different arguing cultures in Pakistan and Germany back when I was a student in Munich. In our shared flat, I once stormed out of a discussion shouting because the argument with a German flatmate had upset me so much. It didn’t bother him much, but he wondered why I couldn’t carry on with the discussion. 

I had to get used to the fact that Germans rarely raise their voices, even during an argument. On the other hand, I find their often very direct manner rather off-putting. It’s perfectly fine, for example, to focus on improvements at work. But sometimes I’d like to see a bit more ease, so that tensions don’t arise in the first place. Germans, however, also find it easy to say: ‘Then we’ll just agree to disagree.’ I really appreciate this relaxed attitude.”